A WARM FUZZIE TALE

[I read the original version of this story in about 1972, in a clip that a friend showed me that I think was from the Village Voice, and it might have been an old clip even at that time.  I do not still have it, nor have I even seen the original ever since.  But because it was published back then, and the story made its way into the public's psyche, it is the origin of the phrase used commonly today, when people talk about having "warm fuzzy feelings" about something.  The version of the story below is my personal embellishment on my 40-year-old memories of the story.]

Once upon a time, long ago, everybody had a little pouch they carried around with them everywhere they went. In that pouch were warm fuzzies. Whenever and wherever anyone met anyone else, they reached into their little pouches, and each pulled out a warm fuzzie, and gave them to each other. When the warm fuzzies were given, they would spread out all over the people's bodies and make them feel all warm and fuzzy. Warm fuzzies are actually warm hugs, enthusiastic greetings, sincere compliments, and any real acknowledgement that lets the other person know you really care. The magical thing about the pouch of warm fuzzies was that no matter how many warm fuzzies you gave away, the pouch was always full, as long as you kept giving the warm fuzzies to everyone you met. So everyone always gave everyone warm fuzzies all the time, and everyone felt happy and content and fulfilled in their lives.

Then, one day, a profiteering manipulator came to town. The profiteer found he could not make much profit from all these happy content people. They would buy just what they needed, and because they shared whatever they had with each other, they didn't need as much. They didn't have any gnawing unmet needs, and the profiteer knew he needed them to have gnawing unmet needs if he was going to make much of a profit off of them. So the profiteer came up with a fiendishly brilliant idea. He started a rumor that a shortage of warm fuzzies was developing. At first everyone just laughed off the rumor as silly. Everybody knows that the warm fuzzies pouch is always full, as long as you keep giving away the warm fuzzies to everybody. But the manipulator said, "How do you know for sure that the pouch will never empty? Just you watch, not everyone you meet is giving out warm fuzzies any more." Because the manipulator and his henchmen, who were spreading the rumor, did not give warm fuzzies when they met people, some people began to notice that in fact, they were not always getting warm fuzzies every time they met anyone. Perhaps there was something to the rumor afterall. Nobody ever noticed that the only people not giving warm fuzzies were the ones that were spreading the rumor, because the rumor was only whispered in their ear from behind, where they couldn't see who said it. Nobody imagined there could be a conspiracy.

Well, as more people noticed that they were getting fewer warm fuzzies, they started believing the rumor and spreading it themselves, and then they thought maybe they should start being more picky about who they gave warm fuzzies to, so they wouldn't run out as fast. The fewer people each person gave warm fuzzies to, the more people noticed that they weren't getting as many warm fuzzies any more, and the rumor spread like wildfire, and fewer and fewer warm fuzzies were shared. Now people were beginning to have gnawing unmet needs, and the profiteer saw his first opportunity for big profits. He started a consulting business for developing rules on who to give warm fuzzies to and who not to, so you won't run out. He came up with all kinds of rules, but the most popular seller was the most limiting one: choose just one person to give warm fuzzies to, and don't give them to anyone else. This rule became so popular that it was made into a law. People had to get licenses to be warm fuzzie sharing partners. It became illegal to give warm fuzzies to anyone except your licensed partner. And only the right kinds of people were allowed to be partners. They had to be the same race and religion and nationality and caste, and opposite sexes.

With all the rules, people were getting so few warm fuzzies, and were getting so stingy about giving them out, that they didn't even give them to their partners alot of the time. It began to get so nobody was willing to give warm fuzzies, so nobody was getting any. Most people hid their pouches away in deep strong secret hiding places, so they would not have to chance giving away their last warm fuzzie. After a while, people forgot where they hid the pouch. And after a longer while they forgot that warm fuzzies ever existed.

Now they had a deeper, more gnawing unmet need. They had no meaningful feelings left. They were numb. They began to feel dead. They began to believe that anything would be better than no feeling at all.

Well, even though the profiteer made a fortune from writing all the rules, and gained great power, that was not enough for him. Now this was the opportunity he had been waiting for to make even greater profits off this greater need. So he began manufacturing and selling cold pricklies. Cold pricklies are putdowns, power plays, hurtful jokes like ethnic jokes, and any other way a person would try to feel better by making someone else feel worse. Now, cold pricklies don't really feel good when you give them, and they certainly don't feel good when you get them, in fact they sting a little. But even a little sting felt better to people than no feeling at all, so cold pricklies sold like hotcakes, and new varieties were always being invented, so the profiteer made a whopping fortune. Furthermore, because cold pricklies hurt to get, people were quick to want rules for when they could or could not be given, so the rule-writing profiteer gained even more profit and control. The rules gathered people into groups. It was made wrong to give cold pricklies to people in your group, but everyone was expected to throw them at people from other groups. And the cold pricklies grew and grew. Before long, they grew into bullets, and then they grew into bombs, so more and more rules were needed. The profits and control from marketing cold pricklies seemed unlimited.

But the profiteer was no dummie. He knew that someday people might wise up and figure out that cold pricklies were more trouble than they are worth. Or else they would all kill each other off, and then he would have no market left to profit from. So at the same time he was coming up with rules to control cold pricklies, he invented and started marketing his most profitable invention ever, plastic fuzzies. Plastic fuzzies are polite, perfunctory greetings, insincere compliments, and even hugs where you gingerly pat the other person's back but are careful not to really get too close. Plastic fuzzies are also consumer products, creature comforts and convenience items, diversions, toys and gadgets. Plastic fuzzies don't really feel very good to give or get, but at least they don't sting like cold pricklies, and they are still better than nothing. The new ones seemed to feel good for a little while, but soon got boring, so more new ones were always needed. So they sold by the billions in infinite varieties. The profiteer thought that the plastic fuzzies would keep people distracted enough that they would be less likely to kill themselves all off and ruin his market. And this is the situation that has continued up to the current day.

But through it all, there have been a few people, actually more than you may think, who never hid away their bags of warm fuzzies and never quit giving them to everyone they met, or at least everyone that wanted them. But because of all the rules and the harsh penalties for breaking the rules, they learned to be discreet. Some brave souls not only continued giving warm fuzzies to everyone they met, but also preached to remind people that we all have a bag of warm fuzzies hidden away somewhere that would never be empty if we would just keep giving each other warm fuzzies. Unfortunately most of them were pelted with cold pricklies for breaking the rules, and some were crusified and some were burned at the stake. But still, we continue to go on sharing warm fuzzies with anyone who is willing, helping people find their hidden pouches, and sharing the truth about warm fuzzies with anyone who is willing to listen.